They have switched the cleaning schedule for our building lobby to the early evening hours. Those are the hours during which I retrieve mail and packages or exit the main entrance to take an evening walk. I had a rather severe reaction last night to the cleaning chemicals. I am better this morning. I did a full retraining, but the flood of memories of more perilous times came roaring back. I felt the helplessness, the hopelessness all over again.
It seems I always want to change people. I am reminded of an episode in an office where I once worked. It was a small office in a converted Victorian house. There were ants all over the front stoop. (Which by the way was seldom used). I had what I thought was a very respectful and informative meeting with the office manager. I was armed with pamphlets about the uses of harmful insecticides and their effects on even the non-reactive humans. I thought she was listening rather attentively. At the end of the meeting her only comment was “I just need to kill the ants”. And the pest control people were dispatched that very afternoon.
I don’t know that you can change people’s minds. When you are in recovery from anything, really, there is a feeling of constantly having to let go. When can I just be heard? Isn’t anybody listening?