Do you need to be well? The answer to this question seems obvious. Who wouldn’t need to be well? Life would be so much different and I would be free. What does that freedom look like? How would new life look?
Many of us suffering from long term chronic illnesses have become very used to the lives we are living. Rutted paths can be very hard to change. It takes a lot of thinking to uncover our motivations and the roots of our illness. Even if we are offered a magic pill we may still have doubts about taking it.
There is magic or there is no magic. Is the choice ours? What do we do when we are well? What is life going be like without the illness? What will I do with all of the energy that I put into managing my condition?
These are questions that need to be asked as we are recovering.
I have been thinking about the woman who seems so intent on debunking all of Ashok’s theories. I feel sad for her. She states defiantly that MCS has nothing to do with anxiety, but her own anxiety is so apparent. On the other hand, the program may not work for her. I have no way of knowing which people would benefit from the program and which would not.
Let’s take this idea out into the world in general. Do we ever really know what is best for another person? Could it be that it is always better just to listen and support people on their own personal, individual journeys?
Granted, there are times when we need to try and guide people to better choices, but ultimately the decision always belongs to the other person and not to me.
So I can feel sad. I can want recovery for everyone. I am not the one who decides.
I was talking with my attorney today about being exposed to the new paint and carpet. He said we need to plan ahead to protect my health. Don’t wait until they have to carry you out on a stretcher with cardiac arrest. I have tried to educate him about MCS and the symptoms. He is a good man and a good attorney. He helped me out of a very tight spot in 2013. I plan to write about that experience in detail at some point. For now let me just say that my illness was criminalized. There will be more on that later. What I learned today, though, from my conversation is how hard it is to actually explain the symptoms of MCS. It is not like a heart attack and very few of us would call 911 when we have an exposure. At least I know I wouldn’t. I think people are used to certain conditions having a certain set of symptoms and MCS just does not fit well into that model of illness. It is such a strange and multi-symptom condition. How can people relate to brain fog? How do people react if you tell them that their cologne or perfume makes your brain feel like two metal knitting needles are being jammed into your forehead and through the back of your head and that your brain now feels “jerky?” It is a dilemma.
I remember the first time I saw a button that said, “Your perfume, my poison.” I thought, “Well, that is a little harsh.” Now I believe that it takes harshness.
Why would anyone intentionally poison another person? Particularly when the one being poisoned has made it abundantly clear that, yes, indeed you are poisoning me. What is it about people that makes us want to defend a poisoning? You can’t handle the truth. People are poisoned for telling the truth. People die everyday for telling the truth. Entire industries are at risk if the truth is told – governments as well. The greatest risk for my building management is a lawsuit that they know will not be believed. They are free to poison at will. Practically, I have nowhere to go. This is about new carpet. Thankfully it is cooler outside and I don’t have to keep starting the car to run the air conditioning. I went to the country today and walked my favorite labyrinth. Do you long for a safe place to pray?
This is a blog about chemical injury. I write it mostly to bring attention to the thousands of invisible people who have been injured by the modern ways of our society. It is not an environmental blog. You will not read about big chem or the evils of government. This is one person’s mystical journey through the literal fog of chemical injury. I hope that you as the reader will respect the journey of another and perhaps relate or become more informed.
Thank you for visiting. Again, I want to emphasize that this is an experiential journey, so please be kind.